Monday, April 7, 2008

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Notice my proper sitting position!






The only reason this picture looks unusual to you is because you cannot sit like me. Notice how my front legs are spread wider than my back legs. Why is this? Well, it's simple. I have VERY LARGE BREASTS.

What is wonderful about my breasts is they are natural. That's right. These pretty pecs came as part of my gene package. I did not inherit them from my mom who, shall we say, is lacking in the boob department. (For the record, my mom does have Chesticles!) Aunt Pooh has a lot more chest. In fact, her friend Donna calls Aunt Pooh's boobs "the buddies" because they are, well, bazookas. So I must've gotten the same genes as Pooh.

But they aren't as big as mine, in relative terms. Aunt Pooh does not put her back legs inside her front legs when she sits down. My cousin Frappe is said to have a large chest. But he does not sit down like I do. He's not supposed to sit down at all ,and he prefers to lie down in his own urine mixed with wood shavings. But that's for another post.
Then there are the "posers," the women who buy their bazookas. For example:



Dolly Parton:





Pamela Anderson:




Raquel Welch:



I have to hand it to Raquel. At least she is trying to get her legs together so she has bigger busts than I. Please, ladies, don't hate me because I'm NATURALLY beautiful.