Saturday, April 12, 2008

No Butts About It


Did you think I would post a picture of us allegedly sniffing butts?


Let's talk B.S., shall we. No, I'm not suggesting that we literally speak about manure. I want to speak about butt-sniffing. Let me just set something straight: no matter what it looks like, dogs do not sniff other dog's butts. The only time I have heard about actual butt-sniffing is in Congress.

I have been accused of butt-sniffing, but the accusations were absolutely false. Slanderous. I have a mind to sue for slander.

As most folks know, dogs have a very good sense of smell. That is why sercurity and police use us for sniffing out drugs and bombs. If we need to get up close to other dog's hind-ends to get a sniff, do you think the police would use us to sniff out drugs? Puhhhhhlease!


"Dogs have nearly 220 million smell-sensitive cells over an area about the size of a pocket handkerchief (compared to 5 million over an area the size of a postage stamp for humans), according to Wikipedia, which is not always accurate, but will do for this exercise.



In other words, we know smells. Which begs the question: What are we doing so close to the butts of other dogs if we can smell so well? First, we are not butt-sniffing. We are anal-sac sharing, or A.S.S. Each dog has a beautiful scent that emanates from these little sacs. Think of them as purses of perfume. The scent is unique.

An act of A.S.S.



I know this will make many women upset, because they go out of their way at Macy's and Nordstrom's to buy perfume that doesn't have near the staying power of our anal-sac creations. Sorry, ladies. God created our special scents and we don't pay a dime for them.

So when it appears that dogs are sniffing other dogs butts, we are doing nothing more than A.S.S.It's kind of like letting your girlfriend try on your best perfume. It is also kind of like shaking hands with a friend and offering a gift.


Do me a favor. Don't refer to it as butt-sniffing. That would be BS. Especially when it is A.S.S.

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